Worry not, doppelganger, for the Sox loss today was nothing more than a benevolent act of humanitarianism: plugging in my crystal ball (the same one infamously used by Jimmy Rollins to predict the outcome of the 2009 World Series) I can see clearly into the future: the Red Sox will go 111-51 on the season while the Yankees will collapse and rot in the AL East basement, much like I rotted in my mother’s basement for the better part of my existence. The Sox simply wanted to give the poor, misguided bumpkins of New York one last happy memory before they succumb to the Cubs-ian way of life, a fate that experts such as myself have been praying for– err, I mean predicting for NYY for the past ten years.
Shut-up bog trotter.
Irish and Scott, the British Isles own homegrown savages.
Born and bred for holding a line in the wilderness, and firing into the brown when ordered.
Poor devil can’t help but be an ignorant bigot. Predestination damn his eyes.
Without me you’re nothing, boy. You probably don’t even know how many times I had to sweeten the pot to get your one-sided trades through, or how many drug tests got “lost”.
How many times are they going to chase this motherfucker?
After what was offered the first two times, and he’s in his mid thirties with how long on his contract at 125 mill.
I doubt the Yanks are in the market, especially with the “austerity measures” we’ve been hearing about.
That’s not fucking funny, idiot imposter. Why the fuck would the Yanks sign Don Mattingly when they could be saving up enough money to sign ARod to another 10 year albatross deal? More ARod = MORE WINS. I picked my nose and found a booger shaped like Michael Kay’s head.
The Yankees & The Red Sox played a game that was under 3 hours? Disgraceful. They needed my fat ass out there. Then I would have slowed it down by having an inconsistent strike zone. Then I would bitch about it & write an album of shitty country music about it.
I am not an ace. My numbers look good because I can put a few innings of zero baserunners up every game. Then I have one or two innings where I ALWAYS give up big hits. I should take a lesson from Kuroda…
54 Comments
The AL East July 27, 2012 22:22
We’re still fucked.
A jerk July 28, 2012 11:07
The people that negated this obviously didn’t get the fact that the rest of the AL East is fucked.
Eric Ortiz of NESN July 27, 2012 22:23
Um…yeah, the Red Sox are done.
*CLEANS OUT DESK, CRIES ON PINK SLIP*
Eric Ortiz July 28, 2012 01:24
Worry not, doppelganger, for the Sox loss today was nothing more than a benevolent act of humanitarianism: plugging in my crystal ball (the same one infamously used by Jimmy Rollins to predict the outcome of the 2009 World Series) I can see clearly into the future: the Red Sox will go 111-51 on the season while the Yankees will collapse and rot in the AL East basement, much like I rotted in my mother’s basement for the better part of my existence. The Sox simply wanted to give the poor, misguided bumpkins of New York one last happy memory before they succumb to the Cubs-ian way of life, a fate that experts such as myself have been praying for– err, I mean predicting for NYY for the past ten years.
Slosh Buckett July 27, 2012 22:30
If you need me I’ll be in the clubhouse.
Original Recipe or Extra Crispy July 28, 2012 01:18
I’ll be waiting with a nice cold one…
A jerk July 28, 2012 13:14
Seriously, there must be Red Sox trolls on this site because who the fuck negates either of these comments?!
Gay Fuckholes July 27, 2012 22:32
I’m in the principal’s office…again.
Mo Lester July 27, 2012 22:32
I’ve been pitching like I’ve had canc….
Too easy.
Curtis Granderson July 27, 2012 22:33
What?, couldn’t find a black dude and a white dude by a grill? Boo
Aaron Cooked July 27, 2012 22:33
My career is seasoned and done.
Wally the Green Moster July 27, 2012 22:34
If I were Wally the Black Monster the cops would have found me in minutes, beaten me, cuffed me, and booked me for the assassination of JFK.
Boston sucks.
Carl Crawford July 28, 2012 01:05
At least you could share a water fountain with me!
Racist Boston Cop July 28, 2012 01:46
SHUDDUP CRAWFORD YOU’RE A MONDAY!!
Sully July 28, 2012 10:12
Haw haw, you tell that dahkie!
Flash Harry July 28, 2012 16:54
Shut-up bog trotter.
Irish and Scott, the British Isles own homegrown savages.
Born and bred for holding a line in the wilderness, and firing into the brown when ordered.
Poor devil can’t help but be an ignorant bigot. Predestination damn his eyes.
Bobby Valentine July 27, 2012 22:34
I’m bloodied.
Curt Schie.lling July 27, 2012 22:35
Hey! So’s my sock!!!
And my video game company’s payroll.
Please shoot me
David Ortiz July 27, 2012 22:36
I can’t want to come back and eat…
That’s all.
Adrian Gonzalez July 27, 2012 22:36
Um…guys, I’m still on the back of the milk carton.
There’s a reward if anyone can find me and my bat.
Dustin Pedroia July 27, 2012 22:37
I swing a bat like it’s a redwood.
Oh, and my brother loves children like Jerry Sandusky loves children.
Vincente Padilla July 27, 2012 22:38
I’ve got more kids than Antonio Cromartie.
100 Wins July 27, 2012 22:45
But what about the mistakes of management! What about Montero! What about George Kontos! They will only win the AL East by about 20 games!!!!
Raul Ibanez July 28, 2012 01:06
No complaints about AJ or about me either. Though I see they “conveniently” left me out of this photoshop…
100 Wins July 28, 2012 08:53
Still want Travis Hafner, with the fences moved.
100 Wins July 28, 2012 09:26
I am going to switch to being a Mets fan when our $189 payroll causes years of pain! I love me some Cashman taint!
100 Wins (Real) July 28, 2012 13:41
The last shitty year for the Yankees – 1992. The management of the team has been brilliant.
Chan Ho Park July 28, 2012 14:33
1992 was almost as shitty as my undelweal aftel a massive dialea attack…
100 wins (real gay) July 28, 2012 14:42
Spending your way out of trouble = brilliant management?
Wait until there is a hard budget.
Gene Michael July 29, 2012 22:38
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, Junior.
Horsedick dot MPEG July 27, 2012 22:50
Any truth to the rumor that the Pedroia’s are reaching out to take over Sandusky’s Second Mile Charity?
Theo was looking the other way when he fucked that franchise with bad contracts and characters.
A Red Sox fan from 8 years ago July 27, 2012 22:57
BUT THEO IS THE BOY WONDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Theo July 28, 2012 08:12
Are you the President of Baseball Operations for a Major League franchise?
Yeah, exactly.
You’re welcome.
-Genius
Bud Selig July 28, 2012 10:16
Without me you’re nothing, boy. You probably don’t even know how many times I had to sweeten the pot to get your one-sided trades through, or how many drug tests got “lost”.
Raul Ibanez July 28, 2012 00:03
Remember when NoMaas slept on my signing?
hmph! all I do is hit big time soul crushing home runs.
Travis Hafner July 28, 2012 11:08
Yeah, they wanted me instead.
Mitt Romney July 28, 2012 00:18
I like being able to eat people who provide service to me.
Bexxy July 28, 2012 06:58
I’ll service you baby.
Just gimme some of that love you got tucked away in Switzerland.
Joe Maddon July 28, 2012 00:40
“At the end of the day I still believe Shieldsy is going to be a Ray after the trade deadline is over.”
He’s bitin’ off the Yankee skipper, with that “Shieldsy.”
Disrespectful to Girari, Mr. Maddon.
Buck July 28, 2012 01:07
Watch it,punk, that’s my shtick. Disrespectful to Flanny.
Redhead from the Wendy's Commercial July 28, 2012 01:13
You know what would go well with this schtick? A BACONATER!
Better Call Saul July 28, 2012 04:52
You give me a bonerater.
Ki m Last July 31, 2012 14:30
Boner lumps
Ritardi July 28, 2012 09:28
You thought that was so funny you posted in two places making sure everyone could see it?
Cliff Lee July 28, 2012 01:08
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1267758-mlb-trade-deadline-do-the-yankees-dare-try-for-cliff-lee-one-more-time
Oh please let this be true!!!!!
Cliff Lee's Wife July 28, 2012 01:29
Honey, I’m home.
*brandishes whip*
Blindfold on, pants off, no talking.
Pete C. July 28, 2012 07:08
How many times are they going to chase this motherfucker?
After what was offered the first two times, and he’s in his mid thirties with how long on his contract at 125 mill.
I doubt the Yanks are in the market, especially with the “austerity measures” we’ve been hearing about.
100 wins July 28, 2012 09:29
We will win no matter what we do! Sign Don Mattingly!
100 Wins (Real) July 28, 2012 14:38
That’s not fucking funny, idiot imposter. Why the fuck would the Yanks sign Don Mattingly when they could be saving up enough money to sign ARod to another 10 year albatross deal? More ARod = MORE WINS. I picked my nose and found a booger shaped like Michael Kay’s head.
The Truth July 28, 2012 15:50
Why would they fo after Lee when Josh Johnson has been put on the market? Clifee you had a chance, fuck you and your butt ugly wife.
Cliff Lee's Wife July 28, 2012 16:14
I will shove an ice pick up your ass, punk. Now shut up or I’ll bust out the nipple clamps.
Phil Hughes July 28, 2012 02:09
Hi haters.
Joe West July 28, 2012 13:18
The Yankees & The Red Sox played a game that was under 3 hours? Disgraceful. They needed my fat ass out there. Then I would have slowed it down by having an inconsistent strike zone. Then I would bitch about it & write an album of shitty country music about it.
CC of 2012 July 29, 2012 22:36
I am not an ace. My numbers look good because I can put a few innings of zero baserunners up every game. Then I have one or two innings where I ALWAYS give up big hits. I should take a lesson from Kuroda…