A multiple choice question for you baseball savants…

Vernon Wells is someone who _______:

a) you’d use as a late inning defensive replacement for Ichiro, Granderson, or Gardner.
b) has posted an OBP of .280 or greater in at least one of the last two seasons.
c) has platoon splits that make him sneakily useful as a pinch hitter for one of the Yankee lefties.
d) the Yankees have talked to the Angels about trading for.

If you answered “d”, then maybe you too can work in a paid position in the Yankees Front Office!

Or, perhaps you wish to uncritically report this as a sensible possibility, without mentioning that it is batsh*t insane — in which case, there’s a promising career waiting for you in the Mainstream Media. If so, you may want to ignore the following facts: Vernon Wells has a career UZR of -33.7; the Fans Scouting Report rates him as a below average fielder for three years running; his wOBA hasn’t cleared the .300 mark since he was a Blue Jay in 2010; his .296 wOBA vs RHPs in 2012 was only surpassed in abject futility by his .295 wOBA vs LHPs. Oh, he’s owed $21 million dollars in each of the next two seasons.

We have no idea what the Yankees are thinking here. But if they are seriously pursuing a trade for Vernon Wells, they should get the Angels to throw in HG Wells so they can time machine Vernon back to 2006 when he was good.