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VOTE: Presenting the 2012 NoMaas Rap Contest finalists

SJK — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 00:15:27 +0000

Welcome to the winner's table. The verses below were selected as the best of the bunch for the 5th Annual NoMaas Rap Contest. Now it's up to the people to decide who wins the free NoMaas T-shirt. Voting will close on Wednesday, March 14th at 11:59 Eastern.

Many thanks to everyone who submitted verses, and if yours wasn't selected, feel free to whine and complain.

Finalist # 1: Monteros non ability to catch is so overated

Budget cutting, we spending less percentage wise than the Tigers
Hal squeezing Cash’s nuts like he had some pliers
still charging ten bucks for some cheap lemonade
these dumb fans will still show up, we getting paid

Finalist #2: Nice (Ca$hmoney feat. the New York Yankees)

CA$H:
All you suckas got nothin on me,
Cause I’m muthafuckin Ca$hmoney
Traded Jesus and Hector Noesi
Now give it all up for Joey G!

[Hit it!]

JOE G: All my logic comes straight from the binder
Tell em to bunt if they need a reminder
RANDY LEVINE: I’m the reason we signed Soriano
DL: I’m currently home to Feliciano
WALLY MATTHEWS: I’m nothing but an ESPN minion
LUPICA: The Yankee payroll is 200 million
CERVELLI: I fistpump every time I get a hit
CC: I eat Cap’n Crunch to make me fit
CANO: I got with all the wimmin in Taiwan!
JETER: My interviews make y’all yawn
BMG: Runnin fast but hitting like a girl
IBANEZ: Got a face that makes you wanna hurl
GRANDY: I’ll make another run for MVP
AJ: No yanks fan is gonna miss me!
PINEDA: Throwin fastballs with some sliders in the mix
NUNEZ: Oops, I just made another E6
AROD: No denying I can still hit for power
MO: I take it, throw it then take a shower
SWISH: This is the best shape I’ve been in years!
BECKETT: Just shaddup and pass me some beers

Finalist #3: Mell Hall cellmate

If you got a thin system
I feel bad for you, son
I got 99 prospects, and a Bichette’s one

I got this Grand Street School six-foot-eight-inch dude
Betances throwin’ through steel–Kevlar, too

Heathcott’s heat cocked, scouts see him and go
Slobber like Joba when the firewater flows

No disrespect to Flanny, but it’s Manny’s time to shine
Sorry Nuney, Banuelos changeup f*ckin’ twistin’ your mind

On the farm, catcher stash: One ‘stache is brown
Dirty Sanchez and Romine f*ckin’ holding it down

Lil’ poke for your pu*sy from our big-ass sticks
Slick swings from Mason, Murphy, and the king of all picks:

Son of a Blake Street Bomber,
I’m real glad for you, son
I got 99 prospects, and a Bichette’s one

Fenway, I know this rhyme is gonna annoy ya
Cuz NoMaas pluggin’ these boys like we was Pedroia

Fried bird in his hand, and none in the bush
Josh Beckett lost his rings while he was fingering tush

With Lackey in backy, thumb in his ass
Call of Duty on screen, dying wife on blast

Anus mouth, heading south, yo brotherly love
Human Centipede, Pap’ll be the center one of

Who you got, Boston? Think Iglesias is sick?
He’s Jose with the glove but Enrique with the stick

Meet the home run king of 2021
I got 99 prospects, and a Bichette’s one

Our centaur loves gash, whether human or horse
That’s why A-Rod sticks it to Mrs. Cliff Lee, of course

If you got two in the pink, and one in the stink
Do it like DJ with nine inches in Mink

As sure as Jorge pees freely, and farts got lumps
The Minkman takes over when Francesa takes dumps.

This just in: Suzyn Waldman spotted on Park Ave
Holding her purse, her panties, and a Jeter autograph

Yo, we got a deep system
Pimpin’ Dante’s son
Cuz we got 99 prospects, and a Bichette’s one

Finalist #4: Hey Boston

Ya’ll yell “steroids” when Alex comes up;
When it’s Ortiz who needs a junior sized cup.

We gave you Aceves, Cashman what the f*ck;
So when Theo got one right, it was all about luck.

Ya’ll should take a look at Crawford in right;
It’s good that he’s fast, too bad he’s not white.

You ain’t won a playoff game since god knows when;
The Patriots lost to the Giants again.

Beckett hangs out in the clubhouse drinkin beer;
That fat boy’s a Texan, but he’s sure not a steer.

So what does that mean, are you saying he’s gay?
Who cares, he’s the new human rain delay.

You’ve sucked since your mouthpiece left ESPN;
Now he’s ripping Francona to please Cherington.

The Yankees, and Tampa, now Toronto’s in the race;
This could be your year to finish in 4th place.

Finalist #5: Stump Merrill

Boston’s recedin’ like Jeter’s hairline
Saw Arod with an American Gladiator doin 69
Don’t go smooth to the plate you’ll be balkin
Cashman bangs bitches and they get arrested for stalkin

Finalist #6: John Sterling

That ball is high, just like me
Unlike Jorge, my hands got no pee.
An A-Bomb from A-Rod, or maybe El Capitan
You’ll think that fly to second is really a gone.

Am I wailing Suzyn? The world may never know.
Everyone thinks I’m just another John Doe.
Here’s a secret: You can’t predict baseball
But Mark can send Tex Messages from here all the way to Saint Paul.

A Ribbie for Robbie makes everyone Swishalicious
I still think El Comedulce would be mighty delicious.
I’m not homeless, I’ve got the Lowe’s Broadcast Booth
And unlike Brett Pedroia, I don’t hang with the youth.

Russel has muscle, and so do I,
The Grandyman can, you may hear me cry
Signing off, it’s me, the Voice of the Yankees
One more thing: Suzyn and I do the Hanky Panky!

A special honorable mention goes to MC Brett Pedroia - while he didn't reference anyone in the Yankees org, he was still gracious enough to contribute a submission

I know what boys like
I know what guys want
I know what boys like
I’ve got what boys like

I know what boys like
I know what guys want
I seen them looking

I make them want me
I like to tease them
they want to touch me
I never let them

I know what boys like
I know what guys want
I know what boys like
Boys like, boys like me

It’s time to battle!: The 5th Annual NoMaas Rap Contest

SJK — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 22:11:45 +0000

The rules:

1. Write a min. 4-line verse w/ at least one reference to a member of the Yankees org.
2. After a few days, we'll pick the Top 5 verses and then put them up for public vote.
3. Include your real email address if you want to be eligible.
4. You can enter as many times as you want.

The winner gets a free NoMaas T-shirt of his/her choice.

WHAT!

Rap contest winner(s)

SJK — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 13:37:02 +0000

The people have spoken and the winner of the 2011 NoMaas Rap Contest (with 31% of the vote) is Trevor McYankeefan with his horribly offensive verse. But, because NoMaas is the bomb, we're also giving a t-shirt to Jeet Skeet for creating a monster 20-line verse set to Notorious BIG's Juicy. Congratulations to both of our winners.

We also continue to be emotionally touched that the Rock Guy from Neverending Story entered our rap contest. And in tribute, we present the following...

No habla inglés:

VOTE: Rap Contest Finalists

SJK — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 18:42:09 +0000

Great entries this year, and once again proof that the people who visit this site have a few screws loose.

The NoMaas staff reviewed all the submissions and chose 5 finalists. You have until 2pm EST on Friday, Feb 25th to vote for your favorite. The winner will get a free one of these.

FYI - In selecting the finalists, we stuck to those who followed the rules. It was only fair. But, there were some really good verses that went over the 4 lines, and some other verses that had nothing to do with the Yankees, but we were incredibly funny. We gave props to some of these below.

So here we go...

Finalist #1: P_C_
The Yanks can win w/o King Felix I really mean this
You’re over the line Donny, nobody fucks with the Jesus
Lee chose a 2nd rate city thats a bad decision
Becketts from Texas…non steer division

Finalist #2: MC Squared
The Yankees are usually the team to beat
But this rotation scares me like Chris Hanson just came in & suggested I have a seat
Oh well, you can’t blame Cashman for not getting Cliff Lee
Now that Joba is fat he better pitch like CC

Finalist #3: Corky
My kingdom for a bad haircut, thy name is Derek Jeter
Getting older and older, can’t catch up to a heater
My head looks like Tiger Woods when he tees off
My OBP plummets, but I’ll still hit leadoff

Finalist #4: Razor Shines
What a rough off-season, it’s such a pity
Cliff Lee didn’t want to go to New York City
You knuckledraggers just learned a lesson in life
It’s not nice to spit on another man’s wife

Finalist #5: Trevor McYankeefan
The look of this rotation is making me shiver
Rotten to the core, like Mantle’s liver
Even though Derek Jeter is my hero and idol
The Yanks could crash and burn, like Munson and Lidle

VOTE!!

Honorable Mentions:

Jeet Skeet - Set to Notorious BIG's "Juicy"
It was all a dream,
I used to bang every chick on a magazine,
Po & Mo, and Andy P up in the limousine,
Countin’ rings every fall,
Every Saturday,Jess,Vaness, n’ Mink, I can’t name them all
I let me fade rock as my skills flopped,
Drinkin’ my G2 with Malibu, reminiscin’ on the bloody sock
Way back, before they had that f*g Youk the Lumberjack,
take a crap whenever he was up to bat,
Remember that fu*kin’ douche…Millar, Millar
never thought a replacement player would make it this far,
Now I’m in the limelight, because of my decline right?
But I got paid, blow up like the Cliff Lee trade
My hair is thinner, the opposite of thicker
remember when I used to get to ground balls much quicker?
Peace to my OBP…GIDP and no SB,
Is what you can expect from me
I’m gettin’ old like you thought I would
Call it quits, just like you said I should
cause i’m not…good

And if you don’t know you know…. half n**ga

The Rock Guy from the Neverending Story - (Absolutely hilarious)
My hands, don’t they look so big and strong?
But when “The Nothing” came through, everything went wrong!
My friends got blown away, what a horrible night
Now this kid and his horse need to make things right!

Return of the Boom Bap: It’s the NoMaas Rap Contest, son

SJK — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 03:05:52 +0000

Punk, you know the rules.

1. Write a 4-line verse with at least one reference to any member of the Yankees org.
2. We'll pick the Top 5 verses and then put them up for public vote.
3. Include your real email address if you want to be eligible.
4. You can enter as many times as you want.

Winner gets a free one of these.

Drop it!

And for a little inspiration...

Boston’s own Private Cowboy

SJK — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 09:41:37 +0000

The Josh Beckett Baseball-Reference page has been changed. Spectacular job by commenter Tommy.

The Josh Beckett B-R sponsorship message contest

SJK — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:24:42 +0000

We just renewed our sponsorship for the Josh Beckett page on Baseball-Reference. And with that, we need a new sponsorship message.

So, we're opening it up to all of our visitors to post your own Josh Beckett sponsorship message. We'll choose our favorite and send it along to Baseball-Reference. Keep in mind that any sponsorship message needs to be approved by B-R, so vulgar entries won't fly. Get creative.

This would likely not be approved.

Late night trivia winners

SJK — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 04:13:04 +0000

Question posed to our Facebook and Twitter fans:

What happened when I promised to kill you last?

The correct answer:

And the winners are:
Twitter - @310tojoba, @erikfrins, @johnnydaman, @realet, @tmo50
Facebook - JJ Foley

Tuesday night trivia winners

SJK — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 02:52:16 +0000

We asked both our Facebook fans and our Twitter followers this question on Tuesday night:

Is there a shortcut home?

The correct answer can be found by watching one of the greatest sequences in cinematic history:

Crazy proppage to these NoMaasians who were the first few to know the right answer:

Twitter: @Escamillo222, @JohnnyDaMan, @rayblay, @NHSurf
Facebook: Dan Oldis, Sean Logue, Tom Zegarelli, Tom Murphy

If you want to participate in these trivia contests that have nothing to do with the Yankees, make sure you follow us on Twitter or Facebook.

NoMaas Rap Contest Winner

SJK — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 01:59:02 +0000

While voting closed a few days ago, we got a little sidetracked with some interviews. But, we want to give our NoMaas Rap Contest winner his proper congratulations.

Congratulations to Doug McKenzie a.k.a J[ob]a Rule for taking home 34% of the vote with the following verse:

Grands got range like Cameron, except he gets hits,
Tex like constipation – yo, he don’t drop sh*t,
Pete Abe on a ham run, Papi’s growing tits,
Red Sox-tober vacation, Brett Pedroia to baby sit

Doug has selected the "In the beginning, God created the heavens and Mariano" T-shirt. We'll be shipping that shirt out international, because he lives up in Vancouver, British Columbia.

The funniest part about all of this is when we emailed him with a simple congratulations, he responded with this:

Yo, I drop rhymes like tek drop knuckleballs,
Saw mad entries, I spit better than y'all,
My sh*t hit hard like nolan in ventura brawls,
Perenial favorite like the yankees in the fall.

Seriously, thanks a lot guys, I really appreciate all you do with this
site. You are far and away my favorite website since my friend Bryan
turned me on to you a few years back, and I know you work really hard
to keep coming up with funky ass sh*t like every single day.

Amazing. The people who visit this site are a unique breed.